Domestic help on Facebook :))

Great . Very funny. Made me laugh. Hilarious.

Thanks and Regards,
Alok Tholiya (S.E.O.), M:9324225699 :
Tholiya Bhavan,
10th Road , Santacruz east, Mumbai 400055

ONLY AUTHENTIC FREE MATRIMONIALS WEBSITE FOR DIGAMBAR JAINS: www.digambarjains.com/

For Issues of women in distress: http://womendignity.blogspot.com/

For Issues of Sr. citizens : http://varishthanagrik.blogspot.com/
Issues of Public interests : http://aloktholiya.blogspot.com/

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For education funds : http://ngoandsociety.spaces.live.com/default.aspx

Also subscribe to my very popular yahoo group for mails on ahead of time views: Send blank mail to: menow-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

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--- On Sat, 19/3/11, Suman Kapur <kapursuman@yahoo.com> wrote: From: Suman Kapur <kapursuman@yahoo.com> Subject: Facebook :)) To: fundoman@rediffmail.com Date: Saturday, 19 March, 2011, 10:54 AM very funny..!!    Facebook :)     Madam: U …Useless Bai !!!.. Why didn't you come last week? And that too without informing me?????? Kamwali Bai: O Myadam... I had updated my Facebook status as "Will be out of town for a week..". Saaheb knows it. He even commented "Come soon... Miss U!!"

Job Offer!!

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ATTN: APPLICANT

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Your name has been shortlisted/Chosen among the Lucky expatriates who
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Congratulations!!

THE HONDA,CR-V,LX COMPANY.
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Reference Number:HONDA:652-662/25.
Dear Winner,
Congratulations, you have just won a brand new HONDA CR.V LX car
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Below is the claims
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Honesty pays........Good one....

Two guys were lost in the Sahara desert .One is David, the other is Michael .They were dying of hunger and thirst when they
suddenly came upon an oasis, with what looked like a minaret of a mosque in the middle .David said to Michael : "Look, let's
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CONGRATULATION'S YOU HAVE WON A BRAND NEW LAPTOP TOYOTA CAMRY CAR AND $800,000.00 US DOLLARS

TOYOTA  AUTOMOBILE COMPANY
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UNITED KINGDOM.
EMAIL: toyotaautomobile@live.co.uk
PHONE: (+44) 701-7500-689
FAX  :  +447 0175 00578
WEB SITE: www.toyota.com/camry 

 

WINNING NOTIFICATION.

DEAR E-MAIL OWNER

 

This is to inform you that you have Won a Brand New Laptop with Cash prize of $800,000.00 US Dollars. (Eight Hundred Thousand US Dollar's) for the Yearly Award promotion which is Organized by Toyota Automobile Company, Your Email was selected by the Microsoft Corporation which Always Supplied this Company With Fifty Thousand Email Addresses Of  Active Internet Users Yearly,  And Your Email Address Was Submitted as One of the Active Internet Users For the Year 2011. After Email Address are Been Submitted to Us For the Random Selection By Microsoft Corporation, we only select ten people's  as our winners, through electronic balloting System without the winner applying.

        These are your identification numbers

 

Ticket Number:   07923425896/2020

Serial Number: TAAP/556543450906

Lucky Numbers:         7/4/11/58/01/30 

 

Contact Person:

 

DR, Frank Richard.

(FUND MANAGER)

E-mail: toyotaautomobile@live.co.uk
Phone: (+44) 701-7500-689

Website: (http://www.toyota.com)
    
VERIFICATION AND FUNDS RELEASE FORM
YOU ARE ADVISE TO FILL THE INFORMATIO BELOW AND SEND IT TO
{toyotaautomobile@live.co.uk}

 

1. FULL NAMES:..........................

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3. SEX: ......................................... 

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10. AMOUNT WON:.....................

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13. ANY IDENTIFICATION (Driving License/passport)

If the Lucky Winner's do not contact claims agent within 7 working days of this notification, his/her  winnings would be revoked. Winners are advised to keep their winning details/information away  from the public to avoid double claim.

 

I want to Congratulate You in Advance and Please Do Not Forget to Help the Poor in the Society When Toyota Automobile Company Makes You a Beneficiary of their World of Wealth.

Yours Faithfully

DR, Frank Richard

Chief Executive (CEO)

Toyota Automobile Company England. 

 

 

Great write up...Thanks ...it made me burst in laugh.... Cardiac Infrac and humor

 

Dr. Kishore Shah is a renowned Gynecologist practicing in Pune. He is  a prolific writer. Humor is his forte.
 
 The following article is in his own words about MI he had suffered few
 Days back. It is simbly mind blowing.
 
 I suffered a heart attack about 5 days ago. Here is my account of what happened:
 
 As I was rushed to the Cardiac ICU, I just had this sinking feeling in  my heart. Just like the one before you enter the Viva Voce hall and  see the most khadoos examiner in place, only worse.
 
 The resident there was quite courteous, "Sir, How are you feeling?"
 
 I looked at him groggily and whispered, "Just like Rakhi Sawant!"
 
 He looked at me perplexed. I continued and said, "I feel an unnatural weight on my chest."
 
 The resident didn't know whether to send me off to the Psychiatry ward  or not. I said, "Aare Baba, ECG nikal, nahi toh main nikal jaoonga!"
 
 The funniest part of my heart attack, or "cardiac event" as the doctor  there insisted on calling it, was that there was no pain. That would  comeafterwards when they presented me the bill. But for now I was  painless.
 
 "Do you smoke?" persisted the resident.
 
 "I have never tried burning myself, but probably would." My wife  nudged me and intervened, "He does not smoke or drink. Just keeps  cracking these pointless PJs."
 
 The resident promptly scribbled something on the pad. He probably  wrote that the patient was delirious. After peering with screwed eyes  at my ECG he said, "Q wave changes."
 
 I said, "I give up. You tell me."
 
 "What?"
 
 "I don't know Kyon wave changes. You tell me."
 
 The resident stopped telling me anything else. He turned to my wife  and said, "It seems to be a minor infarct."
 
 I don't know what it is with doctors. How can you call any heart  infarct minor? If there is an infarct, it is a major thing, at least  for the patient. There was also some depressing talk about ST  depressions. Here I felt as if an ST bus was driving over my chest,  who bothered whether that ST  was depressed or happy?
 
 I was immediately admitted to the ICCU and posted for an Angiography  the next day. One piece of advice to all Cardiac care units: If you do  not want your heart patients to have any further attacks, do not  appoint such lovely  young nurses. Most of the nurses in the entire world are from Kerala.  If all the nurses return home, all the hospitals in the world will  come to a stop..  And there will be no standing space in Kerala.
 
 There were big notices posted outside the door of the ICCU. "No  Visitors" and no "No Mobiles". Okay, so there would be no breaking  news dispatches from me. Soon a pretty, young Malyali nurse came and  told me "Gaana Gaaneka nai."
 
 This came as a shock to me. Not that I wanted to break out into a song  and dance routine. I could understand that visitors might disturb the  patient,or even the mobiles. But songs? How could anyone be so  unmusical? I said  Okay but was a bit miffed.
 
 After many pricks and monitors on my body, half an hour later another  pretty young thing came and told me "Gaana Gaaneka nai!"
 
 I was a bit angry. I said, "Yeah! Yeah! Someone told me before also."  But this really intrigued me. Why were they so strict about songs? If  they had said that I could not dance due to my heart condition, I  could have accepted  that. But never in my long medical education had I been warned that  singing was bad for cardiac health. I wondered if this was a new  advance.
 
 The mystery was cleared when the next Malyali sister, who appeared to  be their head nurse, came and explained to me, "Doctor Shah, Aap ka  blood samble subay saat ko hai. Toh abi Gaana Gaaneka nai. Phir Kaali  pet samble  lene ke baad Gaana Gaaneka."
 
 I immediately added an interpreter to my mental suggestion box. It  must be really tough to interpret Gaana as Khaana. But the Mallus  can't help their accent.
 
 After a relatively painless night, mainly because relatives were not  allowed, and also due to the various drips and things, I woke up to  the prick of a blood 'Samble'. Then I was allowed to 'Gaana Gaaneko'.
 
 All the tests gave worse and worse news. There was an inferior wall  infarct which the Cardiologist insisted on calling minor. (I hoped he  would remember this while billing me.) My Trop T was raised. In short,  this is a help call  from the heart. I was posted for angiography and an SOS plasty the  nest day after stabilization.
 
 On the morning of the procedure, I got the shock of my life, when a  grim looking man entered my room and sent my wife out. He then locked  the room and took out a large and sharp glistening razor. Omigosh!  This was not how they performed operations, at least not during the last century. Or was this a scene from an assassin movie? The man then turned to me and smiled and said that he had come to shave me for the procedure.
 
 I sighed with relief. One always wants to look nice and presentable for important occasions even if they be the gallows. I smiled back at him and jutted out my chin at him for easy access. But he ignored my chin and pulled down my pajamas. I shrieked, "Hey, Its my heart that is amiss."
 
 "Yes Sir. We need to shave your groin!" Groan Groan!
 
 Five minutes later, I was all spick and span and presentable for my planned procedure. Calling it a procedure, reduces the fear factor from it. If you call it an operation, which it is, you might suffer a further attack. If you call it a butchery, which it sometimes can be, then you need
 not go to the procedure. I proceeded with a sinking heart, if it could sink any more, to the operation room, which they call a cath lab. It's all about euphemism.
 
 When I entered the 'Cath lab', I found it extremely cold. Was the AC at full blast or was I frightened or was my heart not pumping enough blood? Probably all three. There was soft music playing hindi songs in the background. The nurse told me to remove all my clothes and lie down on a narrow table. I have already mentioned the weather conditions, so it did not help that here I was completely nude like a fresh plucked chicken, lying on a table, with half my respective buttocks spilling out of the respective sides of the table. The AC vent was directed towards the exact centre of my body. Now I regretted not taking all those ads on the Internet about increasing the length of various body parts seriously. If I had, today I would have been a proud man. But sadly, as of now, I think the OT staff there will remember me whenever they eat dried dates.
 
 The Hindi song playing was "Haste Gaate yahan se gujar, Duniya ki TU parwa na kar." That was very kind of my namesake Kishoreda to remind me how to face this ordeal. But I was very frightened. His next verse also told me, "Maut ani hai ayegi ek din, Jaan jaani hai jaayegi ek din, Aisi baton se kya ghabarana, Yaha kal kya ho kisne jaana?" I almost burst out
 yodeling along with him . OOdle di OOd le di Ooo oo.
 
 The anesthetist approached me and saw me smiling. He was confused. Was this guy so frightened that he was smiling? How could I tell him that I was marveling at Kishoreda's accurate advice to me, a smaller Kishore Kumar.
 
 Then came the good part. Many layers of warm clothes were laid on me. I was shivering, but no longer like the Antarctica. It was more like Shimla now. The Cardiologist told me that I would now feel a little pain in my groin. Most appropriately, the song playing now was "Dil hai kaha aur Dard kaha". I smiled and said, "Yes Boss. Go ahead."
 
 I won't go into the gruesome details, but what was visible to me and the entire team there was that my Right Coronary artery was nearly completely blocked. The doctor said, "Yes, a stent will be required. Dr. Shah, should we insert an Endeavor drug eluting stent?"
 
 I felt ashamed to admit to him that I didn't know a thing about stents. Being a Gynaecologist, I only knew about stunts. So I asked him, "What isthe difference between this one and the other one?" I didn't know the name of the other one, so I cloaked it in the anonymity of 'the other one'. He said, "There are many differences, but the main one is in the price."
 
 "Then I think you should ask my wife, because she is the one with the purse as well as the purse strings."
 
 After a brief consultation, my wife decided that her husband was after all worth a bit more than this costly stent. But the effect was magical. In front of my eyes, I could see a withered autumn tree of heart vasculature suddenly burst out in full spring glory of new tributaries.
 
 Thus I came out of the 'lab' a new and reborn man. It seemed as if I had thrown off my school shirt and worn a new comfy and roomy one. It was as if I had exchanged Adnan Sami's new shirt for his older ones. No more tightness around the chest. The song playing in the lab when I came out was appropriately "Aaj Main jawaan ho gayi hoon. Gul se gulistan ho gayi hoon."
 
 When I returned home from the hospital after paying the bill, I realized that the old proverb was probably coined by a cardiologist. Which proverb? It's the one that says:
 Jaan bachi, Lakho paye.
 
 Thus my heart tried to spring me a surprise. So I surprised it with a spring into my heart. Now I walk with a spring in my step and one in my heart too!

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Indian Brain

IT IS NOT A STORY BUT A TRUE INCIDENT THAT HAPPENED IN AMERICA.
An Indian man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan
officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on business
for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security
for the loan, so the Indian man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari
parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and
everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as
collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the
Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's
underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Indian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest,
which comes to $15.41.The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to
have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely,
but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and
found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would
you bother to borrow "$5,000"
The Indian replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for
two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return'"
Ah, the mind of the Indian...
This is why India is shining

--