Marvin--The male Maxine

FW: A CATHOLIC HEART ATTACK

 

A CATHOLIC HEART ATTACK A man suffered a serious heart attack and consequently had a quadruple heart bypass surgery. He woke up to find that he was in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital. When he had recovered sufficiently a nun began to ask him questions as to how he was going to pay for all the treatment he has had. The nun asked "Do you have health insurance?" The patient replied in a raspy voice "No health insurance". Then the nun asked "Do you have money in the bank?" The patient replied "No money in the bank". Somewhat impatient the then nun asked "Do you have a relative who be willing to help you settle the account for your treatment?" The patient said "I only have a spinster sister who is a nun". The nun became agitated and announced loudly "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God." The patient retorted "then send the bill to my brother in law.'"

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AIDS WARNING !

AIDS WARNING !

To all of you approaching 50 or have REACHED 50 and past, this email is especially for you......... ....

SENIOR CITIZENS ARE THE NATION'S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS! 
 
 
HEARING AIDS
BAND AIDS
GARDENING AIDS
WALKING AIDS
MEDICAL AIDS
GOVERNMENT AIDS
MOST OF ALL,
MONETARY AID TO THEIR KIDS!
Not forgetting HIV (Hair is Vanishing)
and
AIDS: Acute income deficiency syndrome

Some have brain and some have money... which one ur dad has........Joke

Arab person who has gone to Germany to study sends an e-mail to his Dad saying:

 

Dear Dad,

 

Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad,

I am bit ashamed to arrive to my college with my Gold Mercedes, when all my Teachers travel by train.

 

Your Son,

Nasser.

 

Sometime later Nasser gets reply to his e-mail from his Dad:

 

Loving son,

 

Twenty Million Dollars transferred to your account, please stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too.

 

 

Your Dad.  

 
 

laugh it off !!!!!

1. Mike wanted to sell his dog. His friend Jammie wants to buy it.
Jammie: Is this dog faithful ?
Mike: Yes, I have sold it 3 times earlier also. It is so faithful, everytime it returned back to me.

2. Yoga teacher to a woman: Has yoga any effect over your husband's drinking habit?
Woman: Yes, An Amazing Funny Effect !! Now he drinks the whole bottle standing upside down over his head.

3. Indian Prime Minister: We are sending Indians to the moon next year!
US President: Wow! How many?
Indian Prime Minister: 7 OBC, 5 SC, 8 ST, 3 Handicapped, 2 Sports Persons, 3 Terrorist Affected, 3 Kashmiri Migrants, 2 MPs & 1 Astronaut.

4. Man asks Priest: Why did god make women so beautiful?
Priest: So that you will love them.
Man thinks for a short time...
Man: But why did God make them so dumb?
Priest: So that they will love you.

5. Boyfriend: Do you think my salary is sufficient for you?
Girlfriend: It is sufficient for me, but how will you survive?

6. A man was weeping at a grave, "Why did you die? Why did you die? Your death ruined my life."
Friend: For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent? Wife? or Girlfriend ?
Man: My wife's first husband.

7. An accountant visits a museum with a friend.
Accountant: This painting is 500 years and 20 days old.
Friend: Amazing! Where did you get this exact information?
Accountant: I was here 20 days ago. The guide told me that the painting was 500 years old.

8. School Teacher: What is common between Buddha, Jesus, Mahavir and Guru Nanak Dev Ji?
Student: All of them were born on government holidays!

9. Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't have any more work.
Santa: That's all right, sir. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't ask you to give me work anyway!!