Never Clap on Women’s Speech!

ELEVEN PEOPLE ON A ROPE

Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter. ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all,   so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping ...

Moral of the Story: Never Clap on Women’s Speech!

where the Hell were you when I got married?'

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, 'If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.'

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, 'Stop ! Stand still ! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.'

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. The man asked. 'Who are you?'

'I am your guardian angel,' the voice answered.

'Oh, yeah?' the man said 'And where the Hell were you when I got married?'

. But not the poor Groom !

Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.

The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced :

'Ladies and Gentlemen. Today is the luckiest day of my life ...' Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, 'My daughter finally, finally returned my Credit Card to me.'

The whole audience including the priest started laughing . . . . . But not the poor Groom ! 

Four Annas :

1. What is the difference between Einstein and Karunanidhi?

Einstein said that everything is relative whereas Karunanidhi

says that relative is everything

2. Why is Bangla Desh not sending a contingent to Olympics?

Because anyone who can run, jump or swim, has already crossed

the border of the country

3. Why did UPA Government demonetise 25 paise coins?

They could not manage one Anna, how could they manage four annas?

4. 100 phones tapped each day per operator.

Finally here is a government that listens to people.

5. Vote for Baba Ramdev.

He'll be the PM who can help you make your ends meet. Your head and toe, that is.

6. Mayawati, Jayalalitha & Mamata should now form an alliance.

They can call it Behenji-Amma-Didi. Or BAD, for short.

7. Some days, Digvijay Singh makes no sense.

Other days, he is silent

8. Why people consider alcohol to be a problem.

Chemically speaking, it's a solution.

9. Title of a documentary on Kingfisher's planes - "Saare Zameen Par"

Fooling a greedy ....

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very

sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd yo

u get the trophy girlfriend?' Bob replies,

'Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?'

'I lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell her you were only 50 ?'
Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'

three days later Jesus rose from the dead...so will my wife.....??

A man and his wife went on vacation to Jerusalem.

While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told therr
husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury
her here, in the Holy Land , for $150."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife
home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man called Jesus Christ died here, was
buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't
take that chance.

Politicians,Police and bureacrats are the easiest to operate

While having lunch five surgeons from big cities are discussing who
makes the best patients to operate on.
The first surgeon, from New York, says, "I like to see accountants on
my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is
numbered.”
The second surgeon, from Chicago responds, "Yeah, but you should try
electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, "No, I really think librarians
are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: "You know I like
construction workers... Those guys always understand when you have a
few parts left over."
The fifth surgeon, from INDIA , shut them all up when he
observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians,Police and bureacrats are the easiest to operate
on. There are no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine.
Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable."