Hilarious........too good ...

कृपया कमज़ोर दिल वाले न पढ़ें। यह एक
सच्ची घटना है जो पिछले महीने लोनावाला के पास
घटी।
एक युवक मुम्बई से पुणे अपनी कार से जा रहा था। जब
वह घाट के पास पहुँचा तभी अनहोनी घटी।
उसकी कार खराब हो गई और वहाँ दूर-दूर तक कोई
नज़र भी नहीं आ रहा था।
वह किसी कार से पास के कस्बे तक लिफ्ट लेने
की आशा में सड़क के किनारे-किनारे चलने लगा। रात
अँधेरी और तूफानी थी। पानी झमाझम बरस रहा था।
जल्दी ही वह पूरी तरह भीग गया और काँपने लगा।
उसे कोई कार नहीं मिली और पानी इतनी तेज बरस
रहा था कि कुछ मीटर दूर की चीजें भी नहीं दिखाई
दे रही थीं। तभी उसने एक कार को अपनी तरफ आते
देखा जो उससे पास आकर धीरे हो गई। लड़के ने आव
देखा न ताव, झट से कार
का पिछला दरवाजा खोला और अंदर कूद गया। जब
वह अपने मददगार को धन्यवाद देने के लिए आगे
झुका तो उसके होश उड़ गए क्योंकि ड्राइवर की सीट
खाली थी।
आगे की सीट खाली और इंजन की आवाज़ न होने के
बावजूद भी कार सड़क पर चल रही थी। लड़के ने
तभी आगे सड़क पर एक मोड़ देखा। अपनी मौत नजदीक
देख वह लड़का जोर-जोर से भगवान को याद करने
लगा। तभी खिड़की से एक हाथ आया और उसने कार के
स्टीयरिंग व्हील को मोड़ दिया। कार मोड़ से सकुशल
आगे बढ़ गई।
लड़का बुरी तरह भयभीत हो कर देखता रहा कि कैसे
हर मोड़ पर खिड़की से एक हाथ अंदर आता और
स्टीयरिंग व्हील को मोड़ देता। आखिरकार उस लड़के
को कुछ दूरी पर रोशनी दिखाई दी। लड़का झट से
दरवाजा खोल कर नीचे कूदा और सरपट
रोशनी की तरफ दौड़ा। यह एक
छोटा सा कस्बा था। वह सीधा एक ढाबे में रुका और
पीने को पानी माँगा।
फिर वह बुरी तरह रोने लगा। थोड़ी देर बाद
सामान्य होने पर उसने अपनी भयानक
कहानी सुनानी शुरु की। ढाबे में
सन्नाटा छा गया कि तभी..................
संता और बंता ढाबे में पहुँचे और संता लड़के की तरफ
इशारा करके बंता से बोला कि अरे यही वह बेवकूफ
लड़का है ना जो हमारी कार में कूदा था जब हम कार
को धक्का लगा रहे थे।

Laugh all the way...

Lord Ganesha had two wives Riddhi and Siddhi....
  Most men have one.... Ziddi National food of India ---- "KASAM"
 Sab khaaté hain.... 


 Drink 5 cups of milk and try to push the wall ....
 And then drink 5 cups of alcohol and watch .... It'll move on its own!!

 Wife: Aapko meri khoobsurati zayada achi lagti hai ya aqalmandi?
 Husband: Mujhey to tumhari ye mazaaq ki aadat bahut achi lagti hai..

 Only 3 living beings are immune to cold on earth:
1. Polar bears
2. Penguins
3. Females wearing sleeveless & backless at marriages in India !
 Santa ke sir se khoon nikal raha tha.
 Dr - Ye kaise hua?
 Santa - Main hath se diwar tod raha tha, kisi ne kaha 'Paji kabhi
khopdi ka bhi istemal kar lia karo...'

 Promises are like babies!!
 Fun to make but Hell to deliver...

 Getting bored??? Need some adventure in life?
 Go to a stranger's wedding and scream.... 'Don't marry dear.... I
  still love you'!

 Insaan sub se zyada maafi kis ké saamané mangta hai?
 Guess, guess!
  Bihkari ke saamné ---- "Maaf karo Baba"

 One economical thought:

 'The best line which helps you save money when going for dinner with
  your girlfriend- . . . "Bol kya khayegi MOTI?"

Behind every Successful Man there is a Woman......
 Because Women don't run behind Unsuccessful Men!!

Present days truth ...Aaj ka sach ......joke with a message..

The top marketing director of Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.
After receiving the papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers, 'Your Eminence, I have some business to discuss. We at Nescafe have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to donate $100 million to the church . if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily coffee'."

The Pope looks outraged and thunders, "That is impossible. The Prayer is the word of the Lord, It must not be changed." Well," says the Nescafe man somewhat chastened, "We anticipated your reluctance. For this reason, and the importance of the Lord's prayer to all catholics, we will increase our offer to $300 million. All we require is that you change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily coffee'."

Again, even more sternly, the Pope replies, "That, my son, is impossible. For the prayer is the word of the Lord and it must not be changed."

Finally, the Nescafe director says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect your adherence to your faith, we realise that tradition is essential to your beliefs, we fully understand the importance of the word of the Lord................but we do have one final offer. Please discuss it with your cardinals. We will donate $500 million to the great Catholic church if you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily coffee'. Please, please consider it." And he leaves.

The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals. "There is some good news," he announces, "and some bad news .......

The good news is, he continues to a hushed assembly, ' that the Church will get $ 500 million."
"And what is the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal. 
"Sadly" says the Pope ,
*
*
* We would have to lose the Britannia Account............................

mini snacks

भिखारी कार में बैठी जीतो से, "मैडम 10 रुपये दे दो"।
जीतो पैसे देने के बाद बोली, "दुआ तो देते जाओ"।
भिखारी: कार में तो बैठी है मोटी, अब क्या राकेट पर बैठेगी?

Vah re khuda...

Ek Faqeer tha, Bheek mangne ke liye masjid ke bahar baitha tha... 

Sab namaazi aankh bacha kar chale gaye aur usse kuch na mila..
.
Wo phir church gaya.. 
.
Phir mandir aur phir gurudware...

.
Lekin usko kisi ne kuch na diya..
.
Aakhir 1 Beer Bar ke bahar aa kar baith gaya...

Jo bhi sharabi bahar nikalte woh uske katore me kuch daal dete...

Uska katora noto se bhar gaya...
.
.
Faqeer bola... "Waah re Upar wale"

Rehte kahan ho aur Address kahan ka dete ho..!!! 

Darling today is our anniversary

Wife: Darling today is our anniversary,
what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.




Foreigner FB Friend-"In India, do you guys call your wives HONEY in your native language?"

Indian- "oh no......sorry, we call them Bee-Bee, they sting twice as hard as HONEY BEE"!! :-)




Dhongi Baba: Beta Tujhpar Ek Khatarnak Chudail Ka Saya Hai�

Pati: Baba Jaban Sambhal Ke Baat Karo Aur Khabardar Meri Biwi ne sun liya tosaya tumahare pe cha jayga.


भिखाऱी दादी रोटी दे दो खाने के लिए दादी अभी तैयार नही हुई है बाद मे आना.

भिखारी यह लो मेरा मोबाइल नंबर बन जाए तो मिस काँल दे देना .

दादीः अरे बेटा नंबर मत दो थोङी देर बाद जब रोटी बन जाएगी तो फेसबुक पर अपङेट कर दुगी !

Read this and Get MBA degree in a minute ...not a joke ( though a joke) ...

 Bank Robbery! Interesting!!


There was this robbery in Guangzhou (china) , the robber shouted to everyone:
"All don't move, money belongs to the state, life belongs to you".

Everyone in the bank laid down quietly.

This is called
"Mind Changing Concept -
Changing the conventional way of thinking".
-------------------------------
One lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her
"Please be civilized! This is a robbery and not a rape!"

This is called
"Being Professional --
Focus only on what you are trained to do!"
------------------------------
When the robbers got back,
the younger robber (MBA trained) told the older robber (who is only primary school educated),
"Big bro, let's count how much we got", the older robber rebutted and said, "You very stupid, so much money, how to count, tonight TV will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!"

This is called

"Experience -- nowadays experience is more important than paper qualifications!"
------------------------------

After the robbers left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly.
The supervisor says "Wait, wait, let's put the 5 million RMB we embezzled into the amount the robbers robbed".

This is called
"Swim with the tide --
converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage!"
--------------------------

The supervisor says "It will be good if there is a robbery every month".

This is called
"Killing Boredom -- Happiness is most important."
------------------------------

The next day, TV news reported that 100 million RMB was taken from the bank.
The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count 20 million RMB.
The robbers were very angry and complained "We risked our lives and only took 20 million RMB, the bank manager took 80 million RMB with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated to be a thief!"

This is called Knowledge