Fw: [Asian Heart Inst CSG] GOLDEN RULES Heart and body

 ----- Forwarded Message ----
From: P. Venkatraman <venkat.kanna@gmail.com>
To: AsianHeartInstCSG@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Mon, 23 August, 2010 8:25:20 AM
Subject: [Asian Heart Inst CSG] GOLDEN RULES FOR F***ing

 

GOLDEN RULES  FOR F***ing
   
1. F***ing once a week is good for health, but is harmful if done everyday.

2. F***ing gives proper relaxation to mind & body.
   
3.F***ing refreshes you
   
4. After F***ing, don't take heavy food. opt for liquids
   
5. F***ing can even reduce your cholesterol level.
   
6. F***ing reduces weight for sure......  -

    so "FASTing" is good for health;   
    
   

 

smart woman.......This one's among the funniest things I have read...

 

This one's among the funniest things I have read...

> This one's among the
> funniest things I have
> read...
> --------------------
>
> Older Women Are So
> Reasonable !
>
> AFTER BEING MARRIED FOR 44 YEARS, I
> TOOK A CAREFUL LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID, "FORTY-FOUR YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP
> APARTMENT, A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A
> 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV, BUT I GOT TO
> SLEEP
> EVERY NIGHT
> WITH A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GIRL".
>
>
> "NOW I HAVE A £1,500,000.00
> HOME, A £45,000.00 CAR, NICE BIG BED AND PLASMA SCREEN TV,
> BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A 69-YEAR-OLD WOMAN. IT SEEMS TO
> ME THAT YOU'RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF
> THINGS."
>
>
> MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN. SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT AND FIND A HOT
> 25-YEAR-OLD GIRL TO SLEEP WITH AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT
> I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A
> CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND
> WATCHING
> A 10-INCH
> BLACK AND WHITE TV.
>
>
> AREN'T OLDER WOMEN GREAT? THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO SOLVE
> YOUR MID-LIFE CRISES.
> 
 

Thanks and Regards,
Alok Tholiya (S.E.O.),Marigold Hall,
Tholiya Bhavan,10th Road,Santacruz East,
Mumbai 400055
M:9324225699
My favorite quote: Work hard to get what u like...or else....U ll b forced to like what u get!
My links and blogs : ONLY AUTHENTIC FREE MATRIMONIAL WEBSITE FOR DIGAMBAR JAINS: www.digambarjains.com/
For Issues of Sr. citizens : http://varishthanagrik.blogspot.com/
Issues of Public interests : http://aloktholiya.blogspot.com/
For harassed litigants : http://litigants.ning.com/
•Also subscribe to my very popular yahoo group for mails on ahead of time views: Send blank mail to: menow-subscribe@yahoogroups.com precious collections: http://beautifulwe.blogspot.com/

Two Clever Nuns

There  were two nuns One of them was known as  Sister Mathematical (SM), and  the other one was known as Sister  Logical  (SL) It  is getting dark and they are still far away from  the convent.   SM:  Have  you noticed that a man has been following us for  the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I  wonder what he wants.   SL:  It's  logical. He wants to ****us.   SM:  Oh,  no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes  at the most! What can we  do?   SL:  The  only logical thing to do of course is to walk  faster. A little while  later...   SM:  It's  not working.   SL:  Of  course it's not working. The man did the only  logical thing. He started to walk faster,  too.   SM:  So,  what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us  in one minute.   SL:  The  only logical thing we can do is  split.  You  go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot  follow us both.   So  the man decided to follow Sister  Logical.   Sister  Mathematical arrives  at the convent and is worried about what has  happened to Sister  Logical.   Then  Sister  Logical arrives.   SM:  Sister  Logical!  Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!   SL: The  only logical thing happened. The man couldn't  follow us both, so he followed me   SM:  Yes,  yes! But what happened then?   SL:  The  only logical thing happened. I started to run as  fast as I could and he started to run as fast as  he could.   SM:  And? SL  : The  only logical thing happened. He reached  me.   SM :  Oh, dear! What did you do? SL :  The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress  up. SM  : Oh,  Sister! What did the man  do?   SL:  The  only logical thing to do. He pulled down his  pants.   SM:  Oh,  no! What happened  then?   SL :  Isn't  it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can  run faster than a man with his pants down.   And for those of you who thought it  would be dirty,   Say  two Hail Marys!   and...  of course - forward this mail!

Why Indians reincarnate................enjoy this

The angel Gabriel came to the Lord and said 'I have to talk to you. We have some Indians up here in heaven and they are causing problems. They're swinging on the pearly gates, my horn is missing, they are wearing Dolce and Gabana saris instead of their white robes, they are riding Mercedes and BMW's instead of the chariots, and they're selling their halos to people for discounted prices. They refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clear, since they keep crouching down midway eating samosas and drinking chai (tea)... Some of them are even walking around with just one wing!' The Lord said, 'Indians are Indians.. Heaven is home to all my children. If you want to know about real problems, give Satan a call.'  Satan answered the phone, 'Hello? Damn, hold on a minute.' Satan returned to the phone, 'OK I'm back. What can I do for you?'  Gabriel replied, 'I just wanted to know what kind of problems you're having down there.'  Satan says, 'Hold on again. I need to check on something.'  After about 5 minutes Satan returns to the phone and said, 'I'm back. Now what was the question?'  Gabriel said, 'What kind of problems are you having down there?'  Satan says, 'Man...I don't believe this...Hold on.' This time Satan was gone at least 15 minutes. He returned and said, "I'm sorry Gabriel, I can't talk right now...  These Indians are trying to install air conditioning and making hell a comfortable place to live in by putting out the fire...the fire is there to keep them uncomfortably hot!! Since they are so tech savvy, they were trying to start a telephone connection between heaven and hell...I am having such a hard time controlling and dealing with them! Some were trying to start a chai - pakora shop, which I had to stop...I have requested the Lord to send them back on earth as soon as they arrive - they can re-incarnate, for all I care".  Indians will be Indians... And so, this is the story why Indians are re-born!!!!!!!

Sorry no offence ... just jokes...

 
Enjoy the Lighter side of life

Interviewer: 
what is your birth date? 
Sardar: 13th October 
Which year? 
Sardar: Oye bewakoof _ _ _ EVERY YEAR

===

Manager asked sardar at an interview. 
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it? 
Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.

 

                                                                                       =======

 

After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife, 
Do I look like a foreigner? 
Wife: No! Why? 
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?

One tourist from U.S.A. asked Sardar: 
Any great man born in this village??? 
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

 

                                                                          ==============

Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi 
So Sardar writes, "Gandi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.

=================== 

 

When sardar was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver 
adjusted the mirror. Sardar shouted, "You are trying to see my 
wife? Sit behind. I will drive.

                                                                                            ============