Present days truth ...Aaj ka sach ......joke with a message..

The top marketing director of Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.
After receiving the papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers, 'Your Eminence, I have some business to discuss. We at Nescafe have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to donate $100 million to the church . if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily coffee'."

The Pope looks outraged and thunders, "That is impossible. The Prayer is the word of the Lord, It must not be changed." Well," says the Nescafe man somewhat chastened, "We anticipated your reluctance. For this reason, and the importance of the Lord's prayer to all catholics, we will increase our offer to $300 million. All we require is that you change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily coffee'."

Again, even more sternly, the Pope replies, "That, my son, is impossible. For the prayer is the word of the Lord and it must not be changed."

Finally, the Nescafe director says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect your adherence to your faith, we realise that tradition is essential to your beliefs, we fully understand the importance of the word of the Lord................but we do have one final offer. Please discuss it with your cardinals. We will donate $500 million to the great Catholic church if you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily coffee'. Please, please consider it." And he leaves.

The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals. "There is some good news," he announces, "and some bad news .......

The good news is, he continues to a hushed assembly, ' that the Church will get $ 500 million."
"And what is the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal. 
"Sadly" says the Pope ,
*
*
* We would have to lose the Britannia Account............................

mini snacks

भिखारी कार में बैठी जीतो से, "मैडम 10 रुपये दे दो"।
जीतो पैसे देने के बाद बोली, "दुआ तो देते जाओ"।
भिखारी: कार में तो बैठी है मोटी, अब क्या राकेट पर बैठेगी?

Vah re khuda...

Ek Faqeer tha, Bheek mangne ke liye masjid ke bahar baitha tha... 

Sab namaazi aankh bacha kar chale gaye aur usse kuch na mila..
.
Wo phir church gaya.. 
.
Phir mandir aur phir gurudware...

.
Lekin usko kisi ne kuch na diya..
.
Aakhir 1 Beer Bar ke bahar aa kar baith gaya...

Jo bhi sharabi bahar nikalte woh uske katore me kuch daal dete...

Uska katora noto se bhar gaya...
.
.
Faqeer bola... "Waah re Upar wale"

Rehte kahan ho aur Address kahan ka dete ho..!!! 

Darling today is our anniversary

Wife: Darling today is our anniversary,
what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.




Foreigner FB Friend-"In India, do you guys call your wives HONEY in your native language?"

Indian- "oh no......sorry, we call them Bee-Bee, they sting twice as hard as HONEY BEE"!! :-)




Dhongi Baba: Beta Tujhpar Ek Khatarnak Chudail Ka Saya Hai�

Pati: Baba Jaban Sambhal Ke Baat Karo Aur Khabardar Meri Biwi ne sun liya tosaya tumahare pe cha jayga.


भिखाऱी दादी रोटी दे दो खाने के लिए दादी अभी तैयार नही हुई है बाद मे आना.

भिखारी यह लो मेरा मोबाइल नंबर बन जाए तो मिस काँल दे देना .

दादीः अरे बेटा नंबर मत दो थोङी देर बाद जब रोटी बन जाएगी तो फेसबुक पर अपङेट कर दुगी !

Read this and Get MBA degree in a minute ...not a joke ( though a joke) ...

 Bank Robbery! Interesting!!


There was this robbery in Guangzhou (china) , the robber shouted to everyone:
"All don't move, money belongs to the state, life belongs to you".

Everyone in the bank laid down quietly.

This is called
"Mind Changing Concept -
Changing the conventional way of thinking".
-------------------------------
One lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her
"Please be civilized! This is a robbery and not a rape!"

This is called
"Being Professional --
Focus only on what you are trained to do!"
------------------------------
When the robbers got back,
the younger robber (MBA trained) told the older robber (who is only primary school educated),
"Big bro, let's count how much we got", the older robber rebutted and said, "You very stupid, so much money, how to count, tonight TV will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!"

This is called

"Experience -- nowadays experience is more important than paper qualifications!"
------------------------------

After the robbers left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly.
The supervisor says "Wait, wait, let's put the 5 million RMB we embezzled into the amount the robbers robbed".

This is called
"Swim with the tide --
converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage!"
--------------------------

The supervisor says "It will be good if there is a robbery every month".

This is called
"Killing Boredom -- Happiness is most important."
------------------------------

The next day, TV news reported that 100 million RMB was taken from the bank.
The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count 20 million RMB.
The robbers were very angry and complained "We risked our lives and only took 20 million RMB, the bank manager took 80 million RMB with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated to be a thief!"

This is called Knowledge

Amir khan type comedy...

This Hotel in Shanghai 
looked pretty good on the internet, so my friend for a brochure in ENGLISH language. The same is reproduced below..!!

Getting There: 
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The hotel bus runs along the lake and you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know the hotel is near, because you will go round the bend. The manager will have intercourse with all new guests.
The Hotel:
This is a family hotel, so adultery and children are welcome. Nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others.
But please note that ladies are not allowed to have their babies in the bar.
We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with himself.
Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity.
Please feel free to ring for the chambermaid and take advantage of her.

Hospitality:
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will struggle to forget it...!!

wife and educated children know it all....

Truly a statement of century. In my case some of my family members know it all and thus condemn me being online. 

 

Thanks and Regards,
Alok Tholiya,

And the WINNER is...

FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica , 45 volumes.

Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.

No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

(Statement of the Century)

YOU IDIOT !! Why didn't you keep two mistresses !!!!

New Sindhi Calculation !!

A Sindhi millionaire, to maintain a mistress in Hong Kong, bought a
house in his own name for her to live in, plus gave her a monthly
allowance of $5,000. The house cost him $700,000 in 2006.

He sold the house this year for $3.8 million, after they broke up. A
quick calculation shows that after 5 years of a fling with the woman,
he still had a net gain of $2.8 million plus six years of FREE SEX.

When his wife found out about this, she was very mad at him and gave
him a big mouthful...

She yelled at him and said......
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YOU IDIOT !! Why didn't you keep two mistresses !!!!