Saturday, December 24, 2011

iS IN LIGHER VAIN but true for some then good luck the unlucky ....



 
 Dedicated to ALL Married  and Getting married Couples
 
 
 
 
They say that marriage makes a man dizzy, and it's true.
 
As soon as I got a wife, I lost my balance at the bank.



Men want THREE qualities in their wives: Economist in kitchen, Artist in home & Devil in bed.
But they get an Artist in kitchen, Devil in home & Economist in Bed.




Question:   Why do women live longer than men?
Answer:     Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!





Before marriage : Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful,  & I love u. 
After marriage    : Roses are dead, I'm blue. U r my headache, & one day I'll kill u.




 
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wishyou had ordered that.
 



 
Man    : Is there any way for long life?
 
Dr        : Get married.
 
Man    : Will it help?
 
Dr        : No, but the thought of a long life will never come.




 

Question : Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
Answer    : It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
 
 

Wife              : Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
 
Husband       : 
Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

U THOUGHT ONLY WOMEN USE A BRA ???



Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Don't Lie to Your Mother......laugh a while

A Mom comes to visit her son Sunil for dinner.....who lives with a girl room mate Sunita. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Sunil's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Sunil and his roommate that met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Sunil volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates." About a week later, Sunita came to Sunil saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver chutney jar. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Sunil said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: Dear Mother: I'm not saying that you 'did' take the chutney jar from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the chutney jar. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Sunil. Several days later, Sunil received an email from his Mother which read Dear Son : I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the chutney jar by now under the pillow... Love, Mom. Lesson of the day : Don't Lie to Your Mother...... especially if she is an Indian.

Friday, September 9, 2011

INTERESTING DEFINITIONS





INTERESTING DEFINITIONS 
School:
A place where Papa Pays and Son Plays.
 Life Insurance:
A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
 Nurse:
A person who wakes up to give you sleeping pills.
 Love Affairs:
Something like the game of Cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test match.
Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.
  Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
 Conference:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
 Compromise:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
  Dictionary:
A place where success comes before work.
 Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
 Classic:
Books, which people praise, but do not read.
 Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
 Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
 Etc.:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
 Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
 Experience:
The name men give to their mistakes.
 Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.
 Philosopher:
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
 Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
 Opportunist:
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
 Optimist:
A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
 Miser:
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
 Father:
A banker provided by nature.
 Criminal:
A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.
 Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
 Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
 Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.


Tuesday, September 6, 2011

RE: Indian wife........Ha.....Ha...


Indian wife Sanskaro walee hotee hai 
woh sabke samne apne pati ko 
"Abey Gadhe" and 
"Oye Gadhe" 
keh kar nahin bulatee, 
isiliye wo short main kehtee 
hai "O.G. A.G" sunte ho G

Sunday, September 4, 2011

my favorite politicians are : hey god..

Dear Lord,
 
You took my favorite actor.. Shammi Kapoor.
You took my favorite actress.. ..Madhubala,
You took my favorite singer.. Mohd.Rafi
I just wanted to let you know;
    my favorite politicians are :
    Sharad Pawar Canncer to nation , Manish Tiwari tedha dimag, Kami Sibal, Abhisheking ( in pents) Sangvi ,
    Pig VjaySingh,PChh....and list attached.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

say CHEERS!!!!!!!

Here's a variation to the famous zen philosophy!

"A Negative Person sees a glass of water half empty.
A positive person sees it half full,

but a Realistic person adds 60 ml whiskey and says CHEERS!"

__._,_.___
    

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Humor and marriage




Humor in Marriage Why are wives more dangerous than the Mafia?
The mafia wants either ur money or life... The wives want both!

====
Marriage is like a public toilet Those waiting outside are desperate to get in & Those inside are desperate to come out.
====

No person Can Ever Be Satisfied with 4 things in life.

(1) Mobile
(2) Automobile
(3) TV
(4) Spouse
Because there is always a better model in the neighborhood.

===
Searching these keywords on Google `How to tackle wife?`
Google search result, `Good day sir, Even we are searching`.
===

Compromising does not mean you are wrong and your wife is right.
It only means that the safety of your head is much more important than your ego!

===
Whiskey is a brilliant invention. One double and you start feeling single again.
===

A friend recently explained why he refuses to get to married.
He says the wedding rings look like miniature handcuffs.

===
It takes thousand workers 2 build a castle,
Million soldiers to protect a country, but just
One woman to make a Happy Home
A Good Maid!

CBI inquiry .....next time becareful while talking ...

सरकारी नाई ने बाल काटते समय कपिल सिब्बल से पूछा.. साहब यह स्विस बैंक वाला क्या लफड़ा है... सिब्बल चिल्लाये अबे तू बाल काट रहा है या इन्क्वारी कर रहा है .. ... नाई बोला सॉरी अब नहीं पूछूँगा... अगली बार नाई ने चिदम्बरम साहब से पूछा यह काला धन क्या होता है.. ...चिदम्बरम चिल्लाये और बोले तुम हमसे ये सावल क्यूँ पूछता है.. अगले दिन नाई से सी बी आई की टीम ने पूछताछ की... क्या तुम बाबा या अन्ना के एजेंट हो... नाई बोला नहीं साबजी.. तो फिर तुम बाल काटते वक़्त काग्रेस के नेताओं फालतू के सवाल क्यूँ करते हो..... नाई बोला साहब ना जाने क्यूँ स्विस बैंक और काले धन के नाम पर इन कांग्रेसियों के बाल खड़े हो जाते है और मुझे बाल काटने में आसानी हो जाती है....इसलिए पूछता रहता हूँ

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Leave Applications_Enjoy!!!

See, how people write leave Applications.   It's murder of the English language. But Too Funny.   Just Read It.
The Leave Applications;)

?
Infosys , Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:

"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one-week leave."


?
This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:

"as I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days.."

? Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter , please grant a week's leave.."


?
From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it , please grant me 10 days leave."

? Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return , please grant me half day casual leave"


?
An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever , please declare one-day holiday."

? A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

? Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day."

? Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."

? Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my below..."

? Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

? Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."

? A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience , I am applying for the post.
 

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Love marriage

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar and discussing about their family problems......

Shot after shot.........

The Indian man said to the American, 'We have real problem in India. We can't marry the one whom we love, You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once. We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems.'

The American said, talking about love marriages... In America We can marry the one whom we love ......I'll tell you my story. 'I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.

Legally now my step=daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son, my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grandfather and I am my own grandson. And you say you have family problems.'

The Indian fainted........!!!



Cheers…and have a shot.

Monday, July 18, 2011

IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER

BEING A COURT REPORTER IS NOT EASY.
IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER


These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________


ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20 , much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
(My Favorite)
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________
(Another favorite)
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS:
None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral..
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not , he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________


And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Urdu ...should it be made compulsory?????


I always agree to disagree. You r right in ur own way. But I wish to only work for future of our next generation. I wonder how our youngsters can learn how Japanese thrive back again and again. I don't have any interest in history. Don't want to know who my great grand father was but want to see that our great grand son / daughters become, Azim, Narayanan, Anna, Baba Amte ( means good in industry, or in social field or in education) etc etc.
Thanks and Regards,
Alok Tholiya



From: Asghar Vasanwala <asgharf@att.net>
To: 'Mr Alok Tholiya' <tholiya@yahoo.com>
Sent: Tuesday, 12 July 2011 2:42 AM
Subject: RE: All other Indian languages are State languages; Urdu is not. Therefore, Urdu is not a compulsory subject in any state and its readership is declining.

Dear Mr. Alok,
You should understand that any society has past. It is written record and oral tradition of their culture that keeps their existence. Most Muslims in north India, Rajasthan, Bihar and Telagana, and Maharashtra have their tradition recorded in Urdu only. It is very important that present generation read and know who were their forefathers.
Asghar
 
From: Mr Alok Tholiya [mailto:tholiya@yahoo.com]
Sent: Monday, July 11, 2011 9:19 AM
To: Asghar Vasanwala; poetry-opinions-currenttopics@lists.elistx.com
Cc: menow@yahoogroups.com
Subject: Re: All other Indian languages are State languages; Urdu is not. Therefore, Urdu is not a compulsory subject in any state and its readership is declining.
Cud not find time to read mail but title and sender name suggests the fanaticism. 
 
I m originally for Rajasthan but born in Mumbai. I do not know marwadi and does not like to know or does not want my children to learn. Communication is importance which ever language gives me media to communicate to my target audience just that is imp. to me. 
 
 
Thanks and Regards,
Alok Tholiya


 


From: Asghar Vasanwala <asgharfv@gmail.com>
To: poetry-opinions-currenttopics@lists.elistx.com
Sent: Wednesday, 6 July 2011 12:57 AM
Subject: All other Indian languages are State languages; Urdu is not. Therefore, Urdu is not a compulsory subject in any state and its readership is declining.

Urdu media modernises, but declining readership a worry
Submitted by admin4 </user/admin4>  on 4 July 2011 - 4:24 pm
*    Indian Muslim </news/indian-muslim>
By Abu Zafar, IANS
New Delhi : Overcoming technical and commercial challenges, Urdu media in
India is now trying to re-invent itself as big corporate houses enter the
market. But the wider problem of lack of readership persists.
The advent of the digital technology has made it easier to print Urdu. Gone
are the days when 'qatibs' (calligraphers) diligently traced out the script
on to transparencies and then the letters were inverted before printing them
on a lithographic machine. Now it is done through desktop composing and
printing, just like with other languages.
Financial constraints are also easing.
According to Aziz Burney, group editor of the Roznama Rashtriya Sahara
daily, big corporate houses are now keen on entering the market and are
investing in the Urdu media - something which was unimaginable about a
decade ago.
"There is a lot more job opportunities in the Urdu media today than what the
position was in yesteryears," Burney told IANS, painting a contrast to the
times when the media was facing a lack of good content.
The Roznama Rashtriya Sahara publishes 16 editions from 10 places across the
country and claims a readership of over three million. It also publishes the
Aalmi Sahara, a weekly newsmagazine, and the Bazm-e-Sahara, a literary and
culture monthly.
In a sign of the resurging popularity of the Urdu media, the Dainik Jagran
group started Daily Inquilab newspaper with New Delhi, Lucknow, Allahabad,
Gorakhpur and Varanasi editions. The United News Of India's (UNI) Urdu
service, which was launched in 1992 with six subscribers, now is said to
have 84 subscribers in different parts of India.
According to the Registrar of Newspapers for India (RNI), Urdu stands third
in terms of number of periodical publications after Hindi and English.
However, the biggest problem is of the declining number of people able to
read Urdu. Munir Adil, editor of the Daily Salar in Bangalore, thinks the
biggest problem that the Urdu media faces today is that of readership.
"The Urdu language is commonly used in Bollywood, but falling number of
readership of Urdu newspapers is the biggest challenge," Adil told IANS.
"The elite class is obsessed with the English language."
Others in the field seek a greater stress on content.
Noting that there has been "new colour, new life and new courage in Urdu
journalism in India", Adeel Akhtar, president of journalists union
Journalism for Justice, told IANS: "The Urdu media needs to focus on
investigative journalism and the trend of depending on news agencies should
be changed now."
The view is shared by Ehtesham Ahmed Khan, associate professor at the School
of Mass Communication and Journalism in Maulana Azad National Urdu
University at Hyderabad.
"The Urdu media needs to focus on its content because content is king," he
said.
Journalists however raise several problems with regard to working
conditions. "There is no job security in the Urdu media, nor do we have a
strong union backing us," Mohammed Mubashiruddin Khurram of The Daily Siasat
said.
And gathering news is not the sole preoccupation. "We have to gather news as
well as advertisements for revenue, "Alamuallah Islahi of the Daily Sahafat
newspaper told IANS.
According to Srinagar-based journalist Sareer Khalid, Urdu journalists need
to be better trained.
Going one step ahead, Rehana Bastiwala of BBC Urdu said: "For a better Urdu
media, the standard of Urdu schools should be improved".
However, the situation in the electronic media is better. According to
Rashtriya Sahara more than 90 million people speak Urdu in India, of whom 40
million are television viewers. There are at least five Urdu news channels,
including Doordarshan Urdu, ETV Urdu, Aalmi Sahara and Munsif TV, apart from
some others dedicated to religious content.
"The reach of Urdu news channels is massive. A person who knows Hindi can
easily understand Urdu," Burney said.
As far as radio services is concerned, BBC Urdu, which was started in 1940,
has a big impact in India. Apart from BBC, Voice of America, Radio Deutsche
Welle and All India Radio's Urdu services are also popular in Urdu speaking
belts.
(Abu Zafar can be contacted at abuzafar@journalist.com)









Thursday, July 7, 2011

so cute........but dangerous thing to try at home.......

DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME….
Subject: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H... I,J,K.......
After being married for thirty years... a wife asked her husband to describe her.

He looked at her slowly... then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H...... ummmm ........I, J, K."
She asks..."What does that mean darling?"
He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fabulous, Gorgeous, Hot."
She smiled happily and said... "Oh, that's so lovely... What about I, J, K?"
He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

His eye is still swollen.
~~~

Monday, June 27, 2011

Modern day Kaghaz ke fool (phool)

To all whose lives are dictated by their PCs / workstations/ or Mac products....


A tribute to the great Guru Dutt


THE MODERN VERSION OF GURU DUTT'S FILM ''KAAGAZ KE PHOOL ''
Guru Dutt is reborn and makes a film, called 'Software ke phool'.
Sahir Ludhianvi Sahab revises his old song for the new venture.

It goes like this (*Poet unknown*):


yeh document, yeh meetings, yeh features ki duniya,
yeh insaan ke dushman, cursors ki duniya,
yeh deadlines ke bhooke, management ki duniya;
yeh Product agar ban bhi jaaye to kya hai?

yahaan ek khilona hai programmer ki hasti,
yeh basti hai murda bug-fixers ki basti,
yahaan par to raises hai, inflation se sasti,
yeh Review agar ho bhi jaaye to kya hai?

har ek keyboard ghayal, har ek log-in pyaasi
 
excel mein uljhan, winword mein udaasi,
yeh office hai ya aalame microsoft ki,
yeh Release agar ho bhi jaaye to kya hai?
jalaa do ise, phoonk daalo yeh monitor,
mere saamne se hataa daalo yeh modem,
tumhaara hai tumhi sambhaalo yeh computer,
yeh Product agar chal bhi jaaye to kya hai?
Try singing these lyrics to the original tune sung by Mohd.Rafi

Sunday, June 12, 2011

I am ashamed of Baba Ramdev.says Celine ....and my relpy ....Alok

Those with blood in vains of slavery of 1000 yrs,  those with vested interest who have  unleashed propaganda against Baba and  those who fear what does not  exists nd r comfortable in present lawless state may not read. ...Alok 
 

I Celine Suresh state  that our international image is spoilt  because of people like Baba
Ramdev. It is was just when our country was  gaining a strong foothold in all fields... that
people like the Baba have to  spoilt it.
 
 
I further state that I was /am very proud of our imagge  abroad as :
 
  1.    naked women and men line up in the morning nr highway and railway line  for attending morning calls.
  2.   That many children in India die due to malnutrition/ under nourishment
  3.   That everyday a senior citizen is attacked 
  4.   that innocent girls are raped daily somewhere or other often in hospitals,  schools,police stations, place of politician
  5.   that many women everyday are beaten up by wife beaters and yet they are made hero of by their friends and relatives
  6.   that bride and her side has to bown down in the feet of groom , please them  at any cost, give them what they want or ..... get their daughter beaten,killed,separated,humiliated,insulted
  7.  that lovely young couple who fall in love are killed by family and media  calls it honour killing and not mad killing
  8.   that 75 % population are either not getting water or getting non potable  water
  9.   that you have to bribe for for laying pyre, then for getting death  certificate, then for getting probate, then getting names changed in property ,  licences of beloved decesed instead of getting sympathies at such times . And if  they can  take ur blood out ( for making Celine proud of India 's image) on  death of family members then u can imagine what harrassment is caused to Indians  on seeking various other permissions, licences, NOC.s, connections  etc  etc..
  10.   that every year many buildings fall and life and property are lost
  11.   that we have our govt hospitals, schools, gardens, roads , footpaths, other  estabilishment in pathetic condition and that makes me the Celine Suresh a happy  abt our image abroad.
  12.   that child labour, gender discrimation, suicides by farmers , poor, down  trodden all that gives me sukun/ kick of pride and I feel proud of  my nation abroad which Baba  Ramdev is tarnishing.
  13.   That even today harijan are insulted, not allowed to enter temples ( even if  come bathed, clean, healthy ) , punished for wearing shoes in so called mad  superiors lane but I celine am proud of the condition of backwards, adivasies, poor. 
  14.   And ofcourse I am proud of Bofors, Adarsh, 2 G, Raja, kani, Shahrukh,  sachin, MF husain etc who only minted money for self.
  15.   I am also proud of big frauds, big miracle man , fraud Babas ( who openly  advertise on media and dupe ) , astrologers who mislead and defraud innocents  and exploit others, who indulge in shame less acts but ofcourse I am against  Baba ramdev who teaches yoga and people willingly pay their fees to him , and or donate to him.
  16.   I am against Baba Ramdev as he has some money . But I dont want to know how  much satya Sai Baba had, how much Pope of Rome has, how much Aga Khan has, how  much respected saydena has ( but atleast made one good hospital in Mumbai), how much goes in coffers of Tirupati,Mahalxmi, Sidhivinayak , shirdi and how much is misused.
  17.   I am against those 4 ministers who received Baba Ramdev at Airport. Though I am not against top bureacrat and VIP who visited Satya sai baba the miracle man, and  babas like him, who attand marriages and darbar of Dawood and other mafias, top  police dancing in mafias party, I have great respect for all those filmies and  others who paid their respect and paid alms to Dubai mafia and feel proud for them as they get national awards, free plots, free FSI and suck blood of poor.  
  18.  I the Celine Suresh am greatly satisfied and feel proud that our govt spends  millions every month to protect Kasab, other underworld kings, politician, film  stars , those who spread communal voilence ( communal leaders) ,  those who  blackmailed our city elites for two decades and same govt  did brutal canning and fired  tear gas shells on innocent peaceful sleeping women, children , senior citizens  and even sadhus in the name of threat on Baba's life ( actually threat on money  stocked abroad) .. Cant go on as jo samjhata hai woh samjhta hai or jo falsehood  ke nashe mein dhutt hai use kya samjega??
  19.  I am not concerned when Indiraji was arrested and her folks went on rampage, I am not concerned how many sikhs died when Indiraji was assasinated not because of mob anger but because of inciting by congress leaders,I am not concerned when on communal demands rail roko andolan ( recently by a group of Rajasthan communal forces) made whole rail traffic go hay where  for days, buses burnt,and so also I am proud of  Kashmiri, Khalistani, Nagalandy, maoists, naxal and other voilent moments ( who killed thousands innocenets even Vaishno devi pilgrims) but I am against Baba Ramdev and his folks for not adopting such menas adopted by others,
  20.  I am proud of Indian Judiciary which only takes 30 yrs to deliver, and that there r only few ( 3 cr+) cases lying in court which will be  take just 300 yrs to get cleared.
     
    merely  typed by Alok on the instructions of  spirit of celine and alike who visited me and dictated above.
     
    Alok  Tholiya

 

N.B.:
Yes  one bad  incidence in life where this same govt machinary and those criminals protected  by them teach u a lesson. Then sab kuch samjhega. Till then Bye..

Request to Baba Ramdev : Make a documentry of various issues raised, incidents narrated by me above and compare with ur peaceful andolan and yet how brutaly it was crushed. ..Alok

 


   Read What Celine/ Seline Suresh wrote:;

Baba Ramdev


Posted by: "celine suresh" Selina_suresh@hotmail.com
 


Sat Jun 11, 2011 5:18 am (PDT)

Hi all,

All i would like to say is
that our international image is spoilt because of people like Baba
   Ramdev. It
is was just when our country was gaining a strong foothold in all fields...
that
people like the Baba have to spoilt it.

People like the Baba who
have perfected yoga to such an extent would never die from
   their fasting.
What was the need for an a/c tent etc...

It should have been the
industrialists of India to take up issues with our Government
that matter
most to our country... or our own people having a peaceful demonstrations
   all
over the country to highlight such issues.


The question of black
money being stacked in Swiss Bank has been going on for ages...
certainly our
country will benefit a lot if this money was to come back. Our cities
   and
villages could be developed on a better scale.. hence migration to our
main cities for
a livelihood would stop.

Right now, all the Indian
expats out here feel that their taxes in India go into the pot holes
   of
Mumbai streets, Kasab briyani, free slum housing for people who do not deserve
it,
the shit on the streets of mumbai,
etc.

cheers
celine





trial



--
Thanks and Regards,
Alok Tholiya (S.E.O.)
(Real Estate, Insurance, Mutual Funds, Bonds,
Tholiya Marketing and Leasing Pvt. Ltd.
Marigold Party Hall,
Tholiya Bhavan,Next to Regency Hotel,
10th Rd., Santacruz East,
Mumbai 400055
tholiya@hotmail.com
M:9324225699



• Pl. fwd./ circulate this mail if you think the issues raised here needs wider audience.



• Let us make our city beautiful, disciplined and Loveable.
Let us handover to our future generation a better place to live in.



www.digambarjains.com
The matrimonial web site for Digambar Jains



• Also subscribe to my very popular yahoogroup:
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Friday, May 27, 2011

Husband and wife ..laugh it off



Position of a Husband Is just like a Split AC.

No matter however Loud he is in the Outdoor
He is designed to remain Silent indoor...
.....................................................................

"Husband is one who is the head of the family, but his wife is the neck, and whichever way she turns, he goes."
.........................................................................
A man in Hell asked Devil: Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked how much to pay.
Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.
................................................................
Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Every time!
Wife: No darling, it means - With Idiot For Ever
............................................................................
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper, So I could have a new one every day.
.................................................................
Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping Pills..
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you

==================================================


Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.

 

Husband: You should have known it the minute I asked you to marry me.
....................................................................

Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest ?
Husband: A lovely Push...!




Thursday, May 26, 2011

EURO MILLIONS INTERNATIONAL LOTTERY PROMOTION

EURO MILLIONS INTERNATIONAL LOTTERY PROMOTION
PRIZE AWARD DEPARTMENT.
REFERENCE: EML / IPP/1555002244/05
BATCH: ES34/044/ ILP /SL
RE: WINNING NOTIFICATION / FINAL NOTICE


Dear Lottery Winner,

We wish to congratulate you over your email success in our computer balloting
held on 22nd May 2011.This is a Millennium Scientific Computer Game in which
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Claims Agent Tel: +44 -7010042378


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ANY OTHER NOTIFICATION OF THIS NATURE RECEIVED BY ANY WINNER BEARING ANOTHER
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----------------------------------------------------------------
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Wednesday, May 18, 2011

DEAR FRIEND

FOR YOUR KIND ATTENTION.

COULD YOU PLEASE CONSIDER TO HELP ME TO RELOCATE THIS SUM OF TEN
MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS (US$10.2M) TO YOUR
COUNTRY FOR ESTABLISHING AN INDUSTRY IN YOUR COUNTRY.

THIS FUND WAS DEPOSITED IN OUR BANK BY MR PAUL LOUIS HALLEY FROM FRANCE WHO DIED IN A PLANE CRASH IN 2003 TBM 700 AIRCRAFT ON 6 DECEMBER WITH HIS WIFE AND THE WHOLECREW ON BOARD.WE HAVE TRIED TO CONTACT HIS FAMILY TO COME FORWARD FOR CLAIMS
BUT COULD NOT SUCCEED.

WE DISCOVERED THAT THE LATE FRANCE CITIZEN DIED ALONG SIDE WITH HIS WIFE HUSBAND AND CHILDREN WHO ARE SUPPOSED TO BE HER NEXT OFKIN.

CLICKHERE(http://newswww.bbc.net.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/oxfordshire/4537663.stm )


I WILL GIVE YOU ALL VITAL INFORMATION CONCERNING THE FRANCE CITIZEN AND THE $10.5M IN OUR CUSTODY SO THAT YOU WILL CONTACT MY BANK FOR THEM TO RELEASE THE MONEY TO YOU AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO THE DESEASED PERSON.

YOU WILL HAVE TO ESTABLISH CONTACT WITH THE BANK WHILE I WILL GUIDE YOU ON THE STEPS TO FOLLOW TILL THE TRANSFER OF THIS FUND REACHES TO YOU AND YOUR ACCOUNT.

AS ONE OF THE BANK DIRECTORS,I WILL PLAY A ROLE TO MAKE SURE THAT THE FUND IS RELEASED TO YOU.AS SOON AS I RECIEVE YOUR REPLY,I WILL GIVE YOU AN INSTRUCTION ON WHAT YOU SHOULD DO.

REPLY AND LET ME KNOW YOUR FULL NAME,AGE,ADDRESS,OCCUPATION,AND YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBERS .WE SHALL DISCUSS OUR INTEREST ON THE LOT AS WE PROCEED.

Note the email i use to send this proposal to you is for my wife, please kindly reply to my private email ahmedgrahamicb@gmail.com

I AWAIT YOUR URGENT REPLY

Mr.Ahmed Graham.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Practical of psychology.....though on lighter side but yet with message...



 


Psychology ka practical ho raha tha. 
 



Proffesor ne 1 Chuhe k liye 1 taraf cake aur dusri taraf chuhe ki biwi (chuhia) rakh di.
Chuha foran Cake Ki taraf lapka.


Dusri baar Cake ko badal kar Roti rakhi.
Chuha Roti ki taraf lapka.


Is tarah kai baar food item badle.
Chuha har baar food ki taraf bhaaga.


Proffesor: Isse ye saabit ho gaya ke bhukh mei hi sabse badi taqat hai.

Itne mei last row se ek awaz ayi =

"Sir,ek bar chuhiya bhi badal ke dekh lete"



UK 2011 Chevrolet BINGO Promotions



FILE NO: 34
Note that you have been awarded the sum of GBP: 1,000,000. 00 and a brand new Chevrolet CAPTIVA in UK 2011 Chevrolet BINGO Promotions which was held on the 1st May 2011 by selecting through email ballot
Microsoft.
Contact your claims agent with the below information:-
(Dr.) Smith Fego
Claims Agent Tel: +44 -7010042378
E-mail: Chevrolet_romotions@qatar.io
With these details:
1. Full Names:
2. Country:
3. Complete Address:
4. Zip code:
5. Cell phone Number:
6. Age and Marital Status:
7. Occupation:
Note: This is an automatic message do not click on your reply button send all details to the below Email:chev_promoclaimsdpt@yahoo.com.au
Yours Faithfully
Ms. Caroline Bennett
Director General
Chevrolet Bingo Promotions

UK 2011 Chevrolet BINGO Promotions



FILE NO: 34
Note that you have been awarded the sum of GBP: 1,000,000. 00 and a brand new Chevrolet CAPTIVA in UK 2011 Chevrolet BINGO Promotions which was held on the 1st May 2011 by selecting through email ballot
Microsoft.
Contact your claims agent with the below information:-
(Dr.) Smith Fego
Claims Agent Tel: +44 -7010042378
E-mail: Chevrolet_romotions@qatar.io
With these details:
1. Full Names:
2. Country:
3. Complete Address:
4. Zip code:
5. Cell phone Number:
6. Age and Marital Status:
7. Occupation:
Note: This is an automatic message do not click on your reply button send all details to the below Email:chev_promoclaimsdpt@yahoo.com.au
Yours Faithfully
Ms. Caroline Bennett
Director General
Chevrolet Bingo Promotions

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Rat story how you will wish the story was true...

 
 
 
An Indian tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at the exotic, he notices a very lifelike, life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, But is so striking he decides he 
must have it.

He takes it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?"
"Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the Story,"says the owner.

The tourist gives the man twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story."
 
As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat, He notices that a few real rats crawl out of the alleys And sewers and begin following him down the street. This is 
disconcerting; he begins walking faster. But within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind him grows to hundreds, and they begin squealing.
 
He begins to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and are still squealing and coming toward him faster and 
faster.
 
Concerned, even scared, he runs to the edge of the Bay and throws the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as he can. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jump into the Bay after it, and are all 
drowned.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
The man walks back to the curio shop.

"Ah ha," says the owner, "You have come back for the Story?"

"No," says the man, "I came back to see if you have a  statue of an Indian politician and bureacrats in bronze!!
 
 
 
 
 

worried lady



 

Worried lady
 
A surgeon went to check on his very blonde patient after an operation.

She was awake, so he examined her thoroughly and told her that she could expect a complete recovery.

She asked him, "How long will it be before I can resume a normal sex life again, Doctor?"

The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl. "What's the matter, Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"

He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."