Husband and wife ..laugh it off

Position of a Husband Is just like a Split AC.

No matter however Loud he is in the Outdoor
He is designed to remain Silent indoor...
.....................................................................

"Husband is one who is the head of the family, but his wife is the neck, and whichever way she turns, he goes."
.........................................................................
A man in Hell asked Devil: Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked how much to pay.
Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.
................................................................
Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Every time!
Wife: No darling, it means - With Idiot For Ever
............................................................................
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper, So I could have a new one every day.
.................................................................
Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping Pills..
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you

==================================================

Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.

 

Husband: You should have known it the minute I asked you to marry me.
....................................................................

Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest ?
Husband: A lovely Push...!

EURO MILLIONS INTERNATIONAL LOTTERY PROMOTION

EURO MILLIONS INTERNATIONAL LOTTERY PROMOTION
PRIZE AWARD DEPARTMENT.
REFERENCE: EML / IPP/1555002244/05
BATCH: ES34/044/ ILP /SL
RE: WINNING NOTIFICATION / FINAL NOTICE

Dear Lottery Winner,

We wish to congratulate you over your email success in our computer balloting
held on 22nd May 2011.This is a Millennium Scientific Computer Game in which
email addresses were used. It is a promotional program aimed at
encouraging the
effective use of internet; therefore you do not need to buy ticket to
enter for
it. You have been approving for the star prize of 1000, 000, 00 Euros. (One
million Euros Only)

Your =E-mail address attached to Serial Number 22221415366-609 with Lucky Star
Numbers 03 44 04, Winning Number 04 05 23 25 28 which =consequently won in the
2nd category, you have therefore been approved for a lump sum pay out of
1,000,000.00 Euros. (one million Euros Only).
YOUR Email ADDRESS HAS WON

CONGRATULATIONS!!!
DO KEEP IT CONFIDENTIAL.
This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming and unwarranted
abuse of this program by some participants.

All participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn
from over
100,000,000, company emails and 50,000,000 individual email addresses
and names
from all over the world. This lottery was promoted and Sponsored by Sultan of
Brunei, Bill Gates of Microsoft Inc, Shell Company With the support of
European
corporate companies and organizations to encourage the use of Internet and
computers worldwide and to eradicate poverty from the world

To claim your winning prize you are to contact the appointed claim agent as
soon as possible for the immediate release of your winnings with your
VERIFICATION FORM information below:

DR.ROBINSON CLIFF
CONTACT CLAIMS AGENT ON TELEPHONE: .
ID. chev_promoclaimsdpt@yahoo.com.au

Claims Agent Tel: +44 -7010042378

Remember, all winning must be claimed not later than TWO WEEKS, after
this date
all unclaimed funds will be included in the next stake. Please note in
order to
avoid unnecessary delays and complications please remember to quote your
reference Number and Batch Numbers in all correspondence.

Congratulations once more!! ! !! !!!! !!!!!.

REMEMBER, YOU HAVE TO CONTACT YOUR CLAIM AGENT WITH YOUR VERIFICATION FORM
BELOW TO ENABLE HIM PROCESS YOUR PRIZE MONEY IMMEDIATELY.

VERIFICATION FORM
1. FULL NAMES:
2. ADDRESS:
3. SEX:
4. AGE:
5. MARITAL STATUS:
6. OCCUPATION:
7. NATIONALITY:
8. TELEPHONE NUMBER:
9. COUNTRY:
10. SERIAL NUMBER:
11. WINNING NUMBER:
12. REF NUMBER:
13. BATCH NUMBER:
14. AMOUNT WON:
15. CATEGORY:

ANY OTHER NOTIFICATION OF THIS NATURE RECEIVED BY ANY WINNER BEARING ANOTHER
TRADE MARK OR CONTACT INFORMATION SHOULD BE IGNORED OR FORWARDED TO
YOUR CLAIMS
AGENT IMMEDIATELY, THIS WILL ENABLE US PUT A STOP TO ALL THIS ACTIVITIES OF
FAKE LOTTERIES, REMEMBER TO QUOTE YOUR REGISTRATION NUMBER 975310

Sincerely yours,
Ms. Caroline Bennett
Director General

----------------------------------------------------------------
TINP http://www.tinp.net.tw/

DEAR FRIEND

FOR YOUR KIND ATTENTION.

COULD YOU PLEASE CONSIDER TO HELP ME TO RELOCATE THIS SUM OF TEN
MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS (US$10.2M) TO YOUR
COUNTRY FOR ESTABLISHING AN INDUSTRY IN YOUR COUNTRY.

THIS FUND WAS DEPOSITED IN OUR BANK BY MR PAUL LOUIS HALLEY FROM FRANCE WHO DIED IN A PLANE CRASH IN 2003 TBM 700 AIRCRAFT ON 6 DECEMBER WITH HIS WIFE AND THE WHOLECREW ON BOARD.WE HAVE TRIED TO CONTACT HIS FAMILY TO COME FORWARD FOR CLAIMS
BUT COULD NOT SUCCEED.

WE DISCOVERED THAT THE LATE FRANCE CITIZEN DIED ALONG SIDE WITH HIS WIFE HUSBAND AND CHILDREN WHO ARE SUPPOSED TO BE HER NEXT OFKIN.

CLICKHERE(http://newswww.bbc.net.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/oxfordshire/4537663.stm )


I WILL GIVE YOU ALL VITAL INFORMATION CONCERNING THE FRANCE CITIZEN AND THE $10.5M IN OUR CUSTODY SO THAT YOU WILL CONTACT MY BANK FOR THEM TO RELEASE THE MONEY TO YOU AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO THE DESEASED PERSON.

YOU WILL HAVE TO ESTABLISH CONTACT WITH THE BANK WHILE I WILL GUIDE YOU ON THE STEPS TO FOLLOW TILL THE TRANSFER OF THIS FUND REACHES TO YOU AND YOUR ACCOUNT.

AS ONE OF THE BANK DIRECTORS,I WILL PLAY A ROLE TO MAKE SURE THAT THE FUND IS RELEASED TO YOU.AS SOON AS I RECIEVE YOUR REPLY,I WILL GIVE YOU AN INSTRUCTION ON WHAT YOU SHOULD DO.

REPLY AND LET ME KNOW YOUR FULL NAME,AGE,ADDRESS,OCCUPATION,AND YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBERS .WE SHALL DISCUSS OUR INTEREST ON THE LOT AS WE PROCEED.

Note the email i use to send this proposal to you is for my wife, please kindly reply to my private email ahmedgrahamicb@gmail.com

I AWAIT YOUR URGENT REPLY

Mr.Ahmed Graham.

Practical of psychology.....though on lighter side but yet with message...

 

Psychology ka practical ho raha tha.    Proffesor ne 1 Chuhe k liye 1 taraf cake aur dusri taraf chuhe ki biwi (chuhia) rakh di. Chuha foran Cake Ki taraf lapka. Dusri baar Cake ko badal kar Roti rakhi. Chuha Roti ki taraf lapka. Is tarah kai baar food item badle. Chuha har baar food ki taraf bhaaga. Proffesor: Isse ye saabit ho gaya ke bhukh mei hi sabse badi taqat hai. Itne mei last row se ek awaz ayi = "Sir,ek bar chuhiya bhi badal ke dekh lete"

UK 2011 Chevrolet BINGO Promotions

FILE NO: 34
Note that you have been awarded the sum of GBP: 1,000,000. 00 and a brand new Chevrolet CAPTIVA in UK 2011 Chevrolet BINGO Promotions which was held on the 1st May 2011 by selecting through email ballot
Microsoft.
Contact your claims agent with the below information:-
(Dr.) Smith Fego
Claims Agent Tel: +44 -7010042378
E-mail: Chevrolet_romotions@qatar.io
With these details:
1. Full Names:
2. Country:
3. Complete Address:
4. Zip code:
5. Cell phone Number:
6. Age and Marital Status:
7. Occupation:
Note: This is an automatic message do not click on your reply button send all details to the below Email:chev_promoclaimsdpt@yahoo.com.au
Yours Faithfully
Ms. Caroline Bennett
Director General
Chevrolet Bingo Promotions

UK 2011 Chevrolet BINGO Promotions

FILE NO: 34
Note that you have been awarded the sum of GBP: 1,000,000. 00 and a brand new Chevrolet CAPTIVA in UK 2011 Chevrolet BINGO Promotions which was held on the 1st May 2011 by selecting through email ballot
Microsoft.
Contact your claims agent with the below information:-
(Dr.) Smith Fego
Claims Agent Tel: +44 -7010042378
E-mail: Chevrolet_romotions@qatar.io
With these details:
1. Full Names:
2. Country:
3. Complete Address:
4. Zip code:
5. Cell phone Number:
6. Age and Marital Status:
7. Occupation:
Note: This is an automatic message do not click on your reply button send all details to the below Email:chev_promoclaimsdpt@yahoo.com.au
Yours Faithfully
Ms. Caroline Bennett
Director General
Chevrolet Bingo Promotions

Rat story how you will wish the story was true...

 

An Indian tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at the exotic, he notices a very lifelike, life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, But is so striking he decides he  must have it. He takes it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?" "Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the Story,"says the owner. The tourist gives the man twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story."   As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat, He notices that a few real rats crawl out of the alleys And sewers and begin following him down the street. This is  disconcerting; he begins walking faster. But within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind him grows to hundreds, and they begin squealing.   He begins to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and are still squealing and coming toward him faster and  faster.   Concerned, even scared, he runs to the edge of the Bay and throws the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as he can. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jump into the Bay after it, and are all  drowned. * * * * * * * The man walks back to the curio shop. "Ah ha," says the owner, "You have come back for the Story?" "No," says the man, "I came back to see if you have a  statue of an Indian politician and bureacrats in bronze!!

worried lady

 

Worried lady   A surgeon went to check on his very blonde patient after an operation. She was awake, so he examined her thoroughly and told her that she could expect a complete recovery. She asked him, "How long will it be before I can resume a normal sex life again, Doctor?" The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl. "What's the matter, Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?" He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."

 

 

FINALLY: Book for Men Only

PS: To all my lady Friends and Family on the list (email) Please accept my humble apologies in case you FEEL that this book IS TOO SMALL to cause any of you INJUSTICE! You are FREE to SUE the author and that's NOT ME!!!!!!!!   Finally a book for all MEN to understand WOMEN....

FW: ENJOY !! Ha...................Ha.....................Ha...................] Hence forth dont exaggerate and get pulled down..

In a party, a General proudly said that he did 10 times with his wife on his wedding night. A Brigadier next to him said that he did it 6 times before going to sleep 1st night. A Colonel claimed he did it 4 times on his first night. General turned towards a young Lieutenant and asked how many times did he do on his wedding night.. Lieutenant replied: Only once sir. General laughed loudly and asked: WHY?? Lieutenant replied: My wife wasn't used to it sir..!

 

FW: ENJOY !! Ha...................Ha.....................Ha...................] Hence forth dont exaggerate and get pulled down..

In a party, a General proudly said that he did 10 times with his wife on his wedding night. A Brigadier next to him said that he did it 6 times before going to sleep 1st night. A Colonel claimed he did it 4 times on his first night. General turned towards a young Lieutenant and asked how many times did he do on his wedding night.. Lieutenant replied: Only once sir. General laughed loudly and asked: WHY?? Lieutenant replied: My wife wasn't used to it sir..!